Editor Kim Stoddart explains how she’ll be having a merry, meaningful and more independent few weeks ahead
I don’t know about you but I always feel a lot of pressure as the festive season approaches. I don’t get as swept up in the buying frenzy, and certainly not before the beginning of December, as I tend to figure it all out much nearer the time. I’m not bah humbug by any means, but I’m mindful that this time of year puts a heavy emphasis on family, community conformity and connection like no other, and an awful lot of people can feel a little lonely as a result. I consider myself to be one of them.
Having a child with autism, a teenager now, means that the festive season ahead isn’t by any means ‘the norm’, whatever ‘that’ is in the first place. An advert on TV maybe, of happy families with 2.4 children? Lots of presents, lots of food and a big gathering of some form. This idea that it has to be the best day ever can send many into a perfectionist spiral of spending, which can land with a hefty thump come January when the bills pile on in.
A less conventional big day
Because of my fantastic, neurodiverse son Arthur, we haven’t made a traditional Christmas dinner for many years. We all love a roast as much as the next person but too much pressure is hard for him to cope with, so the day is spent with presents at a relaxed pace, nice food, maybe a walk (although he’s terrified of dogs that bark), probably some gardening which he loves, and on goes a day like many others.
Arthur enjoys himself, as do we, and gradually as the day progresses, the pressure to explain to family and friends yet again what we are doing (without any big song and dance) and why it’s different, lessens and it’s all done for another year.
As such a self-acknowledged resilient, generally very content person, it’s interesting that I approach big occasions such as my birthday and er, Christmas with a slight sense of dread. I think it’s the extra pressure around these times to conform to expectations, when otherwise not being strictly normal doesn’t matter so much. Also there’s an underlying, and at times blatant, push towards perceptions that self and family worth is somehow tied into gifts, treats, entertainment and ‘stuff’, when in reality some of the best things in life are fun, low-cost or free. At this time of year I sometimes feel I’m running up an escalator the wrong way trying to say what I’m supposed to, all the while knowing that for me the spirit of Christmas is sometimes different entirely, for my son, but also out of choice.
Thinking of others
Friends, family and people past and present, for good and bad and everything in-between, make us part of who we are today. They are the soil, the mud, the path of life’s experience on which we walk and at this time of year it’s nice to ponder, let things go and offer greater understanding and possibly even some festive forgiveness and fond memories if we feel so inclined for those we have lost along the way.
To err is to be human after all, and light can be found in unexpected places during the darker months of the year, especially if we soften our minds and offload any negative past experiences that we can, even in a small way.
Seeds of hope for the future
We love to sow some vegetable seeds all year round, but it feels extra special during December. It’s an excuse to play with compost, lovingly scrunching and soothing it into modules before planting out some lettuce and peas maybe for pickings and shoots. It’s a promise of growth and renewal and warmer, kinder seasons to come.
Be more accepting of difference
Peoples’ quirks, so-called funny ways, individuals that tell the same story over and over again, we all know someone or other like this. I’m always extra aware at this time of year of people that might be said to look a little sad, or who struggle to make eye contact in passing. I would say that, where safe, say a little hello, give a smile or friendly acknowledgement – it can go an incredibly long way.
Image 8 somewhere and please leave room for an image of me at the bottom with my award (like in Toby’s and also the award thing file 09), thanks
When a friendly spotlight is shone on the different, the lonely and the sad, it’s a recognition of a person’s existence, of their place on this planet, a pathway of connection, a simple yet powerful thing that can mean so much to someone who might be feeling especially out of sorts or lonely at this pressured time of year. Making these little connections helps to embrace for me what is the real spirit of Christmas, which is a warmth, a kindness, an understanding of difference and a coming together that offers real heart, hope and the potential for real happiness for the future.
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